2020 A Summary

 Hello all,

It has been a challenging year, hasn't it? I have had a bit of luck this year and by this I mean it wasn't as bad as it could have been for me. However, that did not stop me from helping those around me that I could help. I saw many of my acquaintances lose their jobs and end up working back in their old jobs (if they were lucky.) It was very sad to see the people around me going through a tough time.

 I'm sure some of you have been wondering what I have been up to. The truth is I have been up to a lot this year. I too felt the effects of the pandemic as I was considered an essential worker. Although being completely honest I'm not exactly sure why my industry would be considered essential (I do not work in the front lines but I also do not wish to disclose what I do for a living because I do not want my company to profit off of my writing work.) Just know that it is not something that I would consider essential. Anyhow moving on, my company did furlough a lot of people and we ran at bare-bones capacity for three to four months. I was grateful that I was not furloughed but I was also one of the people that took the pandemic seriously from the beginning when there were even whispers of how bad it would get I wore a mask and gloves since February 2020. One of the supervisors at my job called it ridiculous that I would even wear that because he felt: "It wasn't even real." Don't worry I am a very patient person. I knew life would help me out this time and sure enough, many weeks later this same supervisor was exposed to you know what and had to quarantine for two weeks. Safe to say they believe in it being real now. 

During this time I watched close acquaintances lose their very cushy careers and jobs. While some part of me felt that I was no longer alone in this, I also felt upset for them, because I understood on some level what they were feeling. I was laid off from my job in 2019 for no rhyme or reason, and I was never the same after that. To be fair now I know that the company I was working for at the time in 2019 was notorious for being a hire fire company. The lucky part of me being laid off in 2019 was that I was able to secure my former job that turned out to be essential in the pandemic a year later. I was able to find a job quickly and for the most part quietly, and that was a luxury that was not afforded to my colleagues this year. Most of them are still struggling to find a full-time job. 

I'm sure the few of you that come to visit this blog do not come to fully hear of the misfortunes I see in everyday life so I will also enlighten you with what has happened to me this year as far as inner transformations. I watched the documentary; "A Social Dilemma," after hearing someone mention that it was a very eye-opening documentary by social media insiders. This documentary was able to do what I had not been able to do in years enrage me to the point of deleting a vast majority of my social media. With the exception of blogger, and youtube I deleted all of my social media. It was an eye-opening experience to me because I realized how addicted I was to social media. Although the first few days I went through withdrawal symptoms and had a blistering headache that I could not get rid of. I was visibly irritated, and nothing made sense. This was the first day I had the best sleep of my life. I slept through the whole night and I'm referring to a deep REM cycle sleep. I felt well-rested. However, I refused to reactivate my social media. I have always been one of those people that once I make up my mind about something I don't go back on my decision. I have some videos that I recorded at this time with the intent of making a film about it for myself later on if anyone is curious about those let me know. 

Once I finished going through withdrawal about a month later I found out I had a lot of time. It is interesting because you don't realize how much time you are spending on social media until you get rid of it, and then there's no excuse to get into all of the hobbies you had put to the side initially because now you have time to get into them. One of the main reasons for getting rid of my social media was that I missed being bored out of my mind as a child. I remember feeling like time was eternal and there was never going to be an end to it as a child. As an adult I felt like I would not have enough time, and that I was quickly running out of it. I can't say I feel that way anymore. I feel relaxed and more at ease with the world because I'm no longer comparing myself to the progress of my peers, or feel like I am failing because I am  XYZ years old and don't have it together. My journey is different, and it will happen as long as I work towards a future I want not towards one that is dictated to me by society and societal norms. I've recently found out that many people generations before me made far more mistakes following societal norms and are now at their old ages finding out that they should have done what they wanted. I don't want to live a life of regret. So the path I'm taking is different? It does not make my life any less worthy than those who listen to the norms. 

Listen, I once was like that. I followed what I was told. I did what everyone told me to do, and abandoned my passions because they were considered silly, and even sacrificed all of who I was in order for this brilliant future I was promised if I listened and followed the rules, and gave up silly things. As I found out in 2019 that was total bullshit. So it didn't work out, and I'm still working at the job I thought was temporary, but I'm appreciated, and it is nice for now while I am thinking which one of my passions that I was told to abandon I will pursue. I don't feel like being oppressed any longer. So the world is in a state? We can do what we can to help it out, but also this has become a time for all of us to wonder if the static life we were living before was the way we would want to spend all of our lives? It is time for us to explore our passions and the things that truly made us, us. I implore you to bring out that dusty guitar you hid in the back of your closet and pick it up again. Sometimes passion is not about becoming famous but of making yourself happier. 

That's all from me for now.

As always happy new year.

-Fatima