The other day as I was coming out of my evening class I decided to head into Panda Express, because I had a really bad craving for Panda Express. (This is not weird at all I get cravings for Panda Express all the time.)
Anyways this is not the point of why I am writing this.
As I am waiting for my food a friend of mine called me (sick), and my night took off from there. Basically I didn't open my fortune cookie until I was heading home, but these words are very true. I had been feeling down these past few days, and I had been questioning a lot of the issues currently going on in this point of my life. I recently started analyzing why I might not be doing as well as I should be doing (school wise) when I don't have excuses to be distracted, and I realized that I had really bad time management, and organization, so I started to work on these issues. As one of my professors said: "light magnesium under your ass." (He said this generally to the class as a whole not just me.) I had been feeling down about coming to the realization, and as I was reading that fortune cookie on the train I realized that maybe this change I decided to make was not coming at a bad time, but right at a time when I needed to realize and hear these things for myself. As I have come to learn in my life so far a person is not going to change just because you tell them to change, or because you want them to change unless they want to make the change. Another thing as well just something that I learned the hard way and I wouldn't want any of you to waste your time, or be hurt one day like I was if someone is telling you that they have problems in their lives that are issues you can't directly fix, or you see have no end its better for you to tell this person that they have a problem and give them references, and organizations who are capable and trained to help them. This sounds like you are abandoning them, but the reality is unless they come up to you and show you that they want to change nothing is going to happen, because sometimes people don't want to change, but they want to be the victim (in certain cases not all.) Before you get mad and tell me how heartless of a person I am I want to share my experience with you and after that you can judge and see how I came to this opinion.
When I was thirteen I met this girl (whose name I will keep disclosed let's call her X.) As the year progressed I found that I had a lot of commonalities with X, and I started to talk to her more often. Eventually X and I became good friends. As the years went by X started to talk to me about her life at home and I started to open up to X as well about my private life. When X and I went into high school we were I guess considered best friends. We had a really good bond X and I. X had a lot of problems at home. A LOT. There was a point when we were in high school where my mom and I offered X to come live with us, and she refused. X's problems were really bad at home and there were countless times when my family and I offered her to come live with us, we would offer to rush over to her house to get her (she lived pretty far so) but she would tell us that she would be okay and not to worry. X used to talk some stuff off with my mom and my mom was always open to also listen to her problems as well. As high school was ending X and I started to see each other less because of our schedules and we were hanging out with different crowds as well (but all of the crowds knew each other.) I would try to make time for X and X would also try to make time for me as well. Now its very rare that you will get me to talk about a problem I am having, and I tried avoiding talking to X about my problems because not only would she not listen to my problems, and just want to talk about hers, but I also felt I was burdening her asking for advice for my problems. Although I can't tell you how many times I had to give her the same advice for the same problem. So anyways I would convey my problems and ask for advice to other people, and for some reason everyone I would tell these things to would tell me that X was not really my friend, and that one day X would leave me and I would be the bad guy either way if I stayed and tried to help her or if I left. But like the unexperienced fool that I was I stayed with her.
At this point X and I graduate high school and that was honestly the last time I saw or contacted X. But one day a very long time ago not long after graduation I ran into another friend of mine (we shall call her Y.) So Y and I started talking and I asked Y about X. I saw that Y was very fidgety about the subject, so I asked her why she was very suspicious about X. That's where Y told me everything about how X hated me the whole time and how she backstabbed me and was talking behind my back. (I don't really mind that she hated me to be honest) I was in disbelief so I started to go off on Y about her giving X a low blow. And Y made a preposition to me she said:
"Look let's call her and you pretend you aren't here and I'll talk to her about it while it's on speaker." I thought what do I have to lose with this ? So since I had nothing to lose I said yes to her preposition. So Y called X and sure enough Y was telling the truth. Y started to make small talk then Y asked X what she thought of me, and I was shocked to hear what she said. X told Y a lot of things about me and how she hated me, and what she really thought of me, but what pissed me off the most was when X went off about my family, and since Y saw that I was really pissed off she told X that she shouldn't say such things and hurried to end the conversation with X. So I ceased all contact with both X and Y, I mean I imagine Y had good intentions, but Y confirmed that X liked being a victim, and that she really didn't want the help but the attention of someone as much as a fool as I. A few days later still hurt about this I told a companion that I knew about it and I obviously swore and basically condemned her and I said a lot of things in my anger that I myself am not proud of, but to make the problem worse this companion who we shall call F went and told X, and then X pretended to be a victim to many other people about it and they came up to me ( and at this point I was sick of all of them and I really could of cared less what they thought of me so I just ignored them and ever since then I haven't seen them actually) I moved around a lot for a few years and I'm not really ever in just one place so I didn't keep in contact. Luckily I met up with a friend a year or so ago and she told me that the truth came out about X and my name was cleared. At this point I really didn't care I just regretted wasting that much time on X. Since then I have moved on with my life I've surrounded myself with new people which was hard because of everything that happened. But the only thing I have to say is that the people and places that I've been to and are here for me there's a reason I have them and I've been to these places. They are all in my life because of honesty. I don't bring up my past mainly because I'm not proud of it and because I was a fool and I am now less of a fool then I was then and I don't like seeing people I care about go through something similar.
Well, hope this was informative. I'll have a much happier tone of blog on my next one. I might have a haul video soon when all of the things I ordered online get to my house.