Saturday, December 28, 2013

Regrets from a Chicken

Hello Guys and Gals !


How were your holidays? Did you get everything you wanted and more?
I realize I have been slacking off lately on my blog, and I have not written any real posts lately due to my writer’s block and other things. However today I do have a topic to talk about.

The other day I was on one of my few social sites and I saw this video that one of my companions from high school had posted because of his birthday party, and I knew quite a few people and I saw that they all looked happy and I suddenly missed them and had an episode of nostalgia. They have careers and families and I just felt sad. I know that I miss the memories and not the people, but I still can’t help that I felt both sad, unaccomplished, and stuck. I brought all this up to a girl who I know, but I didn’t really want to open up to her, because I never really want to open up to anybody, and I told her that in a way I felt jealous of them they are established, they have families, because they concentrated while even though I started school first and abandoned partying and hangouts with them in order to concentrate on school I got distracted and confused, and I ultimately wasted a few years, and I’m barely getting on track with my career and my life. I am happy for them I truly am happy that they are established however I am also disappointed in myself. I also am not saying I am better than they are because (I’m not and) I’m sure they had their struggles, but their success has reminded me of my failure. I felt very disappointed and I pointed all of this out to my friend, and she told me that “people are different and it takes some more than others to be done with what they want to do,” and that “to find happiness in something takes a while and it’s different for everyone.” These past five years went by so fast and although I felt like it went by really fast I also felt like I was in a lucid dream. Sometimes as I am rushing through life I remember that saying: “Stop to smell the flowers,” and I realize that it’s not that bad. I feel like I failed myself, and lately this past year (2013) I have redeemed myself. I feel like I slammed and hit the wall and have started working towards what I want. I feel like in these past five years I have hit my lowest low, and I’ve changed. Even if I wanted to go back and be the person that they thought I was I wouldn’t be able to. Everything just sort of fell into place and is still falling into place. I’m writing all of this hoping it makes some difference for me, or at least lets me visualize that I haven’t failed and am still writing my story. My mother used to tell me this story when I was younger about an eagle. The story goes that once there was an eagle living in a chicken farm, and the eagle lived very comfortably. Until one day a flock of eagles flew past the chicken farm. The eagle looked up to the flock of eagles and was amazed by their grace and how high they flew. The farmer looked at the eagle and told the eagle: “You know you can fly like them too. You are an eagle not a chicken.” The eagle was confused by this statement and looked in awe at the flock of eagles. The eagle could not get the flock of eagles out of his head for a while. The farmer curious to see if the eagle would fly would come and talk every day to the eagle. “You don’t have to be stuck in this pen with these chickens. You can fly out to see many vast lands,” the farmer would tell the eagle everyday. The eagle wouldn’t leave the chicken farm because the eagle was very scared. The eagle felt very scared about flying outside the chicken farm and seeing new lands.


“If all I’ve ever known all of his life was this chicken farm why should I bother flying?” he thought. One day the farmer got through to the eagle. One day the farmer came and said:

“That’s okay I won’t hassle you about flying anymore you can stay here your whole life,” said the farmer, and he left. That night the eagle gathered all of his courage and flew out of the chicken farm. He flew over the mountains and wondered why he had ever been scared to fly in the first place. Basically after this the eagle goes on forth and explores new lands and when he does return to visit the farmer the eagle returns victorious having flown out of the chicken farm, and the farmer is incredibly proud of him for having the guts to fly.

My mother actually used this story all the time when I would rebel and would spend countless nights partying when I was a teenager, as a kid she drilled this story into me, and every time I got into trouble my mother would pull out “The eagle talk,” while most kids were having the “birds and the bees talk” I was getting “The eagle talk.” I really have no idea why this story has always stuck with me (I mean my mother did drill it into me,) and for some ridiculous reason every time my brother and I are about to do something that could possibly get me into massive trouble we both think of this story, and advice against doing so. I don’t think I am the eagle. I’ve always felt like one of the chickens in the pen that don’t have anything special, but saw the flock of eagles and wanted to be an eagle. At times I think about the chickens instead they weren’t anything special and the farmer didn’t really pay too much attention to them since they weren’t special. My mother being my mother (obviously every parent is going to tell their kid that they are the eagle) tells me that I am the eagle, but being a realist I know I am not the eagle I am a chicken who wants to be an eagle but is not the eagle.

How does "the eagle talk" always make it into whatever it is I am doing?
Well hope this was helpful to everyone or at least satisfying.
Happy new years eve!



-Fatima

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