Water
My life is a mess. I thought that that by this age I would
be stable but I seem to always be a mess and maybe that’s my way of being
normal. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I actually was sane? My parents
asked me if I was falling into the wrong patterns again the other day as far as
addictions to things that are bad to be addicted to and while at one point in
my life I did try those things I was never a fan of doing those things, and I’m
not saying that its bad for other people to do them because after all that is
their life, but what I am saying is that that lifestyle isn’t for me.
I haven’t been sleeping and I think that it’s sometimes very
inconvenient that there aren’t two types of day in the day. The day for the
people of the night like myself and the day for the other group that interacts
during the day. It makes sense to have that and I just wonder why no one else
has thought of that. I forgot to mention that I quit my job in January. I quit
my job because of personal reasons and I felt that it was time to leave and I
think that that has been the best decision I have made in my life.
I have been working since I was at least ten, because I have a problem with authority and the authority giving me money and in this case the authority would be my parents, so as a kid I always had menial jobs such as; cleaning people’s cars, fixing people’s cars because my hand was small enough to fit into the part of the car where their hand couldn’t. My best job though was helping the truck drivers with their engines or cleaning their windshield, and since my dad is a truck driver he would promote my business to his friends who would promote to their other friends and they would pay me much better than what I asked for, because I would only ask for five dollars for a task but because they knew that I was saving up for a toy or something they would chip in a little more because they thought I was a really hard working kid for a kid my age. I always had a business or a mediocre part time job [I had a lot of jobs that wouldn’t pay minimum wage or report their taxes for that matter, but a couple of months later would disappear off of the face of the earth.] I like working and I like things and I like getting things, and its enjoyable, but I did miss out on a lot because I was always working and going to school long before I was in college. By the time I reached my last job I did not realize how worn out I was by the whole thing and it took a while but I finally discovered that I needed a break from always thinking that I had to be more responsible than what I really had to be.
At one point in my life as a child I wanted to run away and I remember always discouraging myself because I would tell myself that my savings wouldn’t last very long, and that I would have to constantly worry about where I would be able to leave my stuff without people stealing it. Instead of running away I would read books and I would get lost in the worlds that were constructed in front of me. I suppose that’s why I’ve never needed human interaction because I was always filled with a space or a substitute for human interaction.
Now that I analyze my life’s experiences I realize that it’s no wonder that I don’t feel a need for someone else in my life. I think I would be all right if I ended up by myself. I would be like a vampire out of Anne Rice’s novels, and that’s the tragedy with her vampires is that they are beautiful because they are set up to fail even before they make any choice. It’s so tragic that it’s beautiful. That’s why vampires like Lestat who also has his story but he adapts and keeps moving forward. Lestat is like water always fluid, and always adaptable to the surrounding conditions, but can still break rocks and wood throughout time. I have to learn to be like water; fluid, adaptable, and break rocks throughout time.
I have been working since I was at least ten, because I have a problem with authority and the authority giving me money and in this case the authority would be my parents, so as a kid I always had menial jobs such as; cleaning people’s cars, fixing people’s cars because my hand was small enough to fit into the part of the car where their hand couldn’t. My best job though was helping the truck drivers with their engines or cleaning their windshield, and since my dad is a truck driver he would promote my business to his friends who would promote to their other friends and they would pay me much better than what I asked for, because I would only ask for five dollars for a task but because they knew that I was saving up for a toy or something they would chip in a little more because they thought I was a really hard working kid for a kid my age. I always had a business or a mediocre part time job [I had a lot of jobs that wouldn’t pay minimum wage or report their taxes for that matter, but a couple of months later would disappear off of the face of the earth.] I like working and I like things and I like getting things, and its enjoyable, but I did miss out on a lot because I was always working and going to school long before I was in college. By the time I reached my last job I did not realize how worn out I was by the whole thing and it took a while but I finally discovered that I needed a break from always thinking that I had to be more responsible than what I really had to be.
At one point in my life as a child I wanted to run away and I remember always discouraging myself because I would tell myself that my savings wouldn’t last very long, and that I would have to constantly worry about where I would be able to leave my stuff without people stealing it. Instead of running away I would read books and I would get lost in the worlds that were constructed in front of me. I suppose that’s why I’ve never needed human interaction because I was always filled with a space or a substitute for human interaction.
Now that I analyze my life’s experiences I realize that it’s no wonder that I don’t feel a need for someone else in my life. I think I would be all right if I ended up by myself. I would be like a vampire out of Anne Rice’s novels, and that’s the tragedy with her vampires is that they are beautiful because they are set up to fail even before they make any choice. It’s so tragic that it’s beautiful. That’s why vampires like Lestat who also has his story but he adapts and keeps moving forward. Lestat is like water always fluid, and always adaptable to the surrounding conditions, but can still break rocks and wood throughout time. I have to learn to be like water; fluid, adaptable, and break rocks throughout time.
-Fatima
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