Thursday, January 21, 2016

Elipsis

I'm worried. I am very worried lately. In about six months I am going to have to switch schools in order to finish up my career, and it worries me a lot more than I am letting on. I'm worried that if I don't go out of state or at least out of this city that I am going to be failing myself. I've been joking around with some people about applying to Harvard, but a lot of people have been really encouraging about it, and I might do it even if it is to just get that out of my system. I'm looking at Parsons the New School in New York, and Southern Illinois University in Carbondale, Illinois. I just have to have the guts to finish both of their applications, and follow through. When I was seventeen I had a school counselor who was interning for the high school where I was going to tell me that my problem was that I never followed through with whatever it was I was doing, and that I was more afraid of it failing then it working. I agree fully with him. Its not that I lacked motivation, because I have quite a bit of it, however as I am sending in the applications I get a vision in my head about the letter of rejection getting sent before I even send out my application, and that's what stops me. For a long time I felt the same way about my music.  I wouldn't publish my music on the internet because I was afraid of people telling me that I suck. The hardest thing I have done (besides climbing that awful mountain twice!) was put my first song up on soundcloud. I felt like I was giving up my newborn to the internet, and I was constantly checking for something to go wrong for a day I painstakingly waited for something to go wrong before I would take it down. When I went to check up on the song it turned out it was doing really well and that encouraged me to keep it up and to keep recording my songs, and I felt encouraged to keep going forward.

                                                                            xxx
Fatima

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