Monday, January 18, 2016

Hair

So, I got yet another one of my famous haircuts. Lately, I just feel a lot better about being myself. For the longest time I followed a trend or a person and I'm not sure if I was comfortable or scared of being myself, and lately since the haircut I have felt a lot better about being myself. I know I don't really share a lot or maybe I share too much on here and I realize people are reading but I'm tired of pretending that I know what I am doing I have no idea what the hell I am doing with my life, and for once in my life it really doesn't bother me or send me into a panic attack.
All of my life I have been struggling with my gender identity, and I've been vague as far as it goes with everyone around me except two people who I trust with my life, but even then I've been pretty vague about that too. When I was a child I hated that what I saw on the outside did not match what I felt on the inside, and this was a source of a big frustration for me, and I hated that I had to look a certain way, because my parents dictated so, or because I was trying to fit in at school, and I didn't want other people to call me a dyke, but I didn't want to wear anything that made me feel uncomfortable also. Recently when I hacked off my hair it was because it felt right. I realize it seems ridiculous to talk about a haircut but this sort of stuff matters to me. Suddenly I had a fuck it attitude about everything I stopped caring what people thought of me, and decided that I'm 24 I'm old enough to say what I feel, not talk to people I don't like and stop pretending to like them, and it took a huge weight off of my shoulders that I didn't realize was there. Its very relieving to cut off people who you feel a lot of stress with, or you just don't know what to expect with off. I used to think it was stupid when people said that they cut off people who were really negative, but you don't realize how much their negativity affects you until you cut them off, and it's actually true that it revives you. 

More on this later.
-Fatima

No comments:

Post a Comment